'THE MONSTER NEAR THE WINDOW' ... OR 'WHY BIGFOOT RADIO HOSTS DON'T TAKE LIVE CALLS'
The below humorous fictional account is a complete change of pace from my usual stories... hope you enjoy it:
SquatchTalk Radio: Ep 231
GARY: Welcome everybody to another episode of SquatchTalk Radio. Tonight we have a guest who only recently had what she describes as the Most Terrifying Experience of her life… Tracey, Welcome to the show.
TRACEY: Hi Gary, Is this where I report encounters with scary monsters?
GARY: Yes, it is…
TRACEY: Only I wasn’t sure. I mean… I couldn’t sleep, you know, so googled ‘how to cope with monster encounters’ and your number came up…
GARY: Ha ha, well I guess Adwords pays off after all… Please tell us every last detail Tracey, when did your encounter occur?
TRACEY: Just last night Gary. Not sure what time it was but I woke up really thirsty so I woke up Brian and asked him to get me a drink… must’ve been sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning… He mumbled something nasty to me and rolled over… he would have done it when we first met…. but these days he’s more interested in sleeping… anyways so I come downstairs myself, my mouth was so dry you know? … shouldn’t have put that extra sauce on my burrito, I always regret it next morning.
GARY: Ha, I know what you mean Tracey, I love hot sauce, but next morning I’m always singing that Johnny Cash classic… “Ring of Fire!”… You know…
TRACEY: “I fell down into a burning ring of fire… fell down down down and the flames, they went higher…”
GARY: That’s the one… you’ve got a nice singing voice Tracey. Sorry to interrupt… you went into your kitchen for a drink of water…
TRACEY: Yeah, So I come downstairs, didn’t bother turning on the lights. There’s a bit of light coming in from the moon you know? Plenty enough to see…
GARY: So you’re not scared of the dark then?
TRACEY: Ha, no Gary, not in the slightest… at least I wasn’t til last night… grew up on a farm you know, handled lots of creepy crawlies… snakes, spiders, only thing that freaks me out is roaches…
GARY: Yeah, cockroaches give me the willies too.
TRACEY: So I’m standing there having a drink from the tap when I hear movement over near the window… (cough) … scuze me Gary… it’s still so fresh, only last night you know?
GARY: That’s perfectly all right Tracey, these encounters can be extremely traumatic, take your time…
TRACEY: Thanks… So… as I said, I’m standin there taking a drink when I hear this movement… Oh Geeze…
GARY: Take your time… It came from the window, correct?
TRACEY: Yeah, over near it… it’s a big window, the blinds were open… moonlight coming in, but I couldn’t see nothin, so I turned on the light… Oh Geeze… sorry…
GARY: That’s okay, take your time… so you turned on the light? What did you see?… Tracey… you there…?
TRACEY: Yeah, yeah, sorry, I’m sweating thinking about it… damn thing was so big… never been so scared in my life.
GARY: I can imagine Tracey, what was it? What did you see when you turned on the light?
TRACEY: God Gary, the thing was massive, just set there staring at me… oh god, its eyes… they burned right into my soul Gary… it was terrifying!
GARY: I bet, what did it do, just stand there?
TRACEY: Wish it would have… but it didn’t… what really freaked me out was its two long, hairy appendages… they were twitching, jerking about in tiny movements that for some reason… oh god… my husband thinks I’m crazy, but if you coulda seen it Gary… it was really creepy…
GARY: So what happened next Tracey, what’d you do?
TRACEY: I was frozen, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe… you know that expression, Time stood still?
TRACEY: Well, it truly did last night. All that existed in the whole world was me and that… that thing, just settin there, lookin at me! … but then… then, it moved! Ah Geeze… give me a moment…
GARY: Please take your time Tracey.
TRACEY: The damned thing took a step towards me Gary! It broke the spell and I screamed! ...Screamed so loud it hurt my throat!
GARY: I’m not surprised. What did it do? Did it stop moving towards you?
TRACEY: Ignored me, it took another couple of steps and I screamed again, even louder this time… my throat’s still sore from it… woke Brian up. I heard him shout and he came running down the stairs with his shotgun.
GARY: Uh-oh, did he shoot it?
TRACEY: No, I screamed at him to though… He came running in shouting ‘What’s wrong, what’s wrong?’… I pointed right at the beast but it was like he didn’t even see it at first… then he started laughing! Here I am, screaming, with tears running down my face and he’s laughing! He knows how I am about these critters… they don’t bother him though…
GARY:…Er, he was laughing? What did the monster do?
TRACEY: Damned thing scuttled back under the refrigerator! Probably still there… horrible beast!
GARY:… Er, under the refrigerator?
TRACEY: Yeah, horrible roaches… biggest damned thing I ever saw! ... I’m not going into the kitchen again without a light at night, I can tell you!
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